I am trapped in a period of shallow aesthetic based self appraisal and can’t seem to get out. I was training for a feature film so that the shirt off scene wouldn’t make people feel sick, however now that film has been pushed back for the second time.
So now I’m stuck with an obsession with looking muscular, a lack of creative drive because it’s been so long since I’ve written anything, a mild depression surrounding the delay of the movie… but a beautiful tight ass.
I always knew I was destined for stripping.
In a few weeks an online comedy series of short films I am performing in will be released.
I got to wear eyeliner like I used to for so many years.
It felt right friends, it felt right.
My legs look like two angry pale chicken drumsticks.
That reminds me, I need buffalo sauce from the store.
This is why 87% of men enter into the world of stand up comedy.
The other 13% do it because they love wearing plaid shirts.
Listen, I don’t know much about art, but I know what I like.
Was thinking of getting a print of this for the breakfast room, I think it would really tie things together.
Justin Bieber - Boyfriend (Jeff Leach Parody) (by Jeff Leach)
This was the intro for my Edinburgh Festival show 2012 all about the fragility of masculinity and my journey from a class A whore to a class A bore.
I hope Lana Del Rey and Tyler the Creator really do work on a project together. I hope Kanye West produces it. I hope Kesha is featured on it. I hope Dov Charney sponsors it. I hope Terry Richardson shoots it. I hope Perez Hilton covers it. I hope Steve Aoki does a remix.
I hope all of these things, and I hope it turns into an orgiastic frenzy of overrated hipster douchebaggery of such monumental proportions that every pop-culture consumer immediately starts recognizing soulless empty-headed mediocrity for what it is, and Coachella goes back to being just one weekend.
